No one is perfect, and I know I have made my fair share of mistakes. I am starting a new. This year I have made it my New Years Resolution to start putting myself first. Although this sounds selfish, I know, it's not. All I ever want to do is help others. I want nothing but seeing others smile and be ok. I've learned that in order to help others I need to help myself first and make sure that I am ok, and last year I wasn't. I kept saying I am ok, I am ok... until I couldn't say that anymore. I felt so lost and depressed I started avoiding my friends and family and I only ever wanted to stay in my room and in bed. Everyone that I love and care about was so worried, what's worse is that I knew that they were all worried and yet I could not move from my bed.
This year, no more secrets, no more hiding, no more. This is my year of recovery. And this, well this is nothing short of my journey. While I help myself , I know that I can help others because I know that there are other people who feel this way.
I guess week one of this has gone like this. I finally have a routine down for my everyday life. I am learning how to check in with family and friends and telling them how my day went and how I am feeling. Hardest part is listening to advise and learning how to take it is, right now, close to impossible. Giving advise still feels wrong because I am still mentally and emotionally unstable, but when I am asked something I answer with more questions and give inside on how I would handle the situation and what I would do. Life is hard but it is worth living, and the now I know that we need to go through bad days to get to good days. In all Honesty we need to feel pain and sorrow and heart break to know what happy feels like, to know what you want to feel and live everyday. Don't get me wrong, bad days suck, but we would not be who we are if we didn't have those bad experiences.
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